I went to the ER today. I wasn't sick or anything I just took a friend. However this was the 1st time I've been to the ER not as a patient. Due to this rare occurance, and my lack of sleep, I noticed three things:

1. The ER waiting room is a very depressing place.

These people don't feel well. When I don't feel well I curl up on my couch and don't move for three days. There would be no way in hell you'd drag me to a public place to attempt sleep in a plastic chair for 4 hours. I'm just saying. It kinda reminded me of trying to sleep in the car on a family trip. Your never quite comfortable but there's nothing else to do.

2. Watching someone else get their blood drawn is actually kinda cool.

I've always been fascinated by this. I used to get blood drawn a lot and it only took two years to work up the nerve to watch them stick me. This was like that only without the pain.

3. The hospital gives out pain medication like it's candy.

Seriously, fuck the DR's office and their Tylenol 3. This girl started out her day on vicodin, got a pain med specifically for the illness, then some morphine, and finished up the day with a whole other bottle of vicodin.

Hooray!!! I'm graduating!!!! Now what? 4 years later and I realize that I have learned surprisingly little. Don't get me wrong, I've learned a lot in college, it's just that very little of it came from class, books, or notes. So here it is, the top ten things I've learned each year at college:

Freshman year (a.k.a go nuts)
1. Always make sure it's not a cop before trying to bum a cigarette from them.
2. If you leave a party while hammered to get food expect not to remember where the party was, where you are, where you live, why you left.......
3. If you "forget" to wear a bra on the coldest night of the year because you hope to develop a beer jacket, expect to announce to all of McDonald's that that your nipples are now capable of cutting diamonds.
4. expect to be unable to order the correct thing and be happy when you end up with a McDouble instead of a "snack stacker".
5. YOU CANNOT PARTY 14 NIGHT IN A ROW! you will die and it will not be pretty
6. Sleeping in class will gain you attendance points, but you will be known as THAT girl.
7. Expect to see the majority of your friends only when hammered.
8. Even if your shoes are off and you make it to your own bed, know that you are always fair game.
9. Sex and pizza are the same, it's a great idea at 2am but by in the light of day it's never the same.
10. If your not on academic probation by the end of your freshman year you can consider this a win.

Sophomore (a.k.a The comedown)
1. Expect to make a bad roommate decision at least once in your college career, expect that it will come at the worst possible time and expect that he/she will be certifiable.
2. Moving off campus seems like a good idea until you realize there is a negative correlation between what you can afford and how close you will be to campus.
3. You'll begin to realize that you might actually have to do something with your life. Identity crisis commence.
4. If you live in a smoking dorm you can smoke anything (and I mean anything) without too much concern.
5. If the cops not, don't answer.
6. Expect to feel pathetic whenever you stay in on a weekend night, especially if you can hear parties around you.
7. You may begin to find parties overwhelming and juvenile at some point. This is normal and it will be awhile before you do anything about it.
8. You will wonder what the fuck you spent your graduation money on.
9. You will never have clean clothes. Own it. Accept it. Find multiple uses for febreeze.
10. At the end of this year time starts to fly, blink your eyes once and you'll be in a cap and gown.

Junior (a.k.a I'm smart too)
1. Expect to develop thoughts of salaried jobs with benefits in elaborate cities throughout the world. Don't worry it's just a phase, it will pass.
2. Put more effort into your job because of your increased *necessary* expenses
3. Try to be more of an adult by getting a pet or attempting backing, burn the food and forget to feed the cat.
4. Expect to do something incredibly illegal without much thought.
5. Expect to freak out about said illegal thing.
6. Slowly return to the hibernation phase that was present in your adolescents. You may stop seeing certain people because they live too far way.
7. Plan and go on many trips that turn out to be less than you hoped for.
8. You will disappoint your parents at some point....sorry.
9. The greatness that is alcohol will diminish once it become readily accessible.
10. Bars are only fun if your drunk. 4 dollars for a cab is way better than 4 hours of noisy incomprehensible boredom.

Senior (a.k.a OH MY FUCKING GOD)
1. Expect to *work* (i.e. go to school, work, internship, ect.) a 40 - 60 hour work week. Expect to be utterly exhausted by this.
2. For ever 25 jobs you apply to you will get one call back, for a job you don't really want in a location that's inconvenient for a pay that's less than adequate.
3. You will feel like your smarter than the rest of the world and that this is actually your curse. This is normal and it too shall pass.
4. Feel utter despair about the impending doom that is 9-5, mortgage, insurance, marriage, kids, ect.
5. Feel absolutely bored with your social life yet find a surprising comfort in that boredom.
6. Adderal. The cause of and solution to all of life's problems.
7. You'll begin to notice more and more people your age who are getting married and having children, you will not be one of them, your mom will want you to be one of them.
8. If you go to a wedding single, people will literally force you to catch the bouquet. Or remove it from the flower girl's grasp and hand it to you.
9. Expect to do something really random and inappropriate while under the influence. Upscale sushi anyone?
10. Expect to consider grad school as an alternative for growing up.

That's pretty much it. If your a 5th year senior, sorry there's no category for you. Repete the existential crisis of senior year.

So not that I'm actually anticipating anyone reading this (nice girls never finish first) but I figured the blog had to start somewhere. So for those of you who can't tell, I'm being ironic and literary, or trying to be anyways... read the bio you'll see. No I'm not a goodie too-shoes who will preach about abortion and abstinence while taking it in the ass from her youth leader at the church retreat. Sodomy is the way to be! My point is (and my roommate can tell you I take forever to get to the point) I'm not a nice girl.

Sure most people consider me to be nice, don't underestimate the power of youth and appearance. I work with children, I *have volunteered, I assist friends in need, and even get the urge to save animals (people are really adamant about NOT bringing stray cats home). But through it all and just like 99% of the population, I'm assuming, I lead a double life.

Our outward appearances and actions NEVER match the underlying person. Some are just more truthful about it than others. And to be honest, I'm not one of those people.